Dear Corn Syrup,

We need to talk. I don't think it's fair that you invade every food. Why? You are so bad for me and make me sick. You need to get out of food. Period.

I know I'm not being very friendly, but you see I've been having to avoid you and I'm not enjoying the fact that I have to read every label closely. Have you ever realized how bad you are for people? You should read the book master your metabolism. It will make you sick.

You could possibly be the most common ingredient ever. I think your popularityis about to reach its expiration. You should retire, like Jay Leno, only for real. People will still have fond memories of you, and you will maybe even get a star in the hollywood walk of fame. If you keep sticking around, people will get bored and move on. I'm just saying, I think it would be for the best. I have to go, my daughter just stepped in poop in her bare feet. The smell is still lingering and I just noticed she wiped it on my shirt. It's urgent as you can tell. We'll talk soon.

Your Friend,
Rachael